Trauma doesn’t always refer to a single event. Relational trauma is characterized by ongoing mistreatment, abuse, or abandonment within a relationship. In other words, it’s trauma that occurs in relation to someone whom you relied on.
The effects of relational trauma can be profound. Many people experience relational trauma as children, when the same caregivers that they depend on for all of their needs are incapable of fulfilling those needs. They might end up unconsciously seeking out people who engage in the same behaviors as they get older. This can lead to toxic friendships and unhealthy romantic relationships.
Here’s what relational trauma can look like, and how it can affect people well into their adult lives.
Trauma Within Close Attachment Relationships
Relational trauma is a product of maltreatment within close attachment relationships. In other words, abuse from a parent or other caregiver, like a grandparent, older sibling, or guardian, towards their child can lead to relational trauma. They might face emotional or physical abuse from their caregivers. Alternatively, their caregivers might neglect them and fail to meet their basic needs. A child might also be abandoned by one of their caregivers. This leaves them with an emotional void even if their physical needs are met.
Examples of Complex Relational Trauma
What does complex relational trauma entail? Often, it refers to physical abuse, but there are other forms of relational trauma. A child might grow up with parents who are narcissistic or who struggle with substance abuse. One or both of their parents might flit in and out of their lives. This creates an inconsistent relationship and confuses the child’s expectations.
Does Complex Relational Trauma End After Childhood?
Complex relational trauma often happens within relationships where there is an uneven power dynamic in which one person has an outsized level of authority over the other. But this does not mean that relational trauma is only a concern for children or young people.
People who struggle with complex relational trauma in childhood often end up falling into relationships with similar dynamics in adulthood. These patterns can crop up in friendships and romantic relationships. Furthermore, even if someone grew up with abusive or neglectful caregivers, they might still maintain a relationship with them into adulthood. This can lead to further abuse. It can also bring up complicated childhood memories.
Interpersonal Struggles and Attachment Wounds
If someone is dealing with the effects of complex relational trauma in adulthood, they might struggle to build healthy, dependable relationships with others. Relational trauma can lead to attachment wounds, and someone might run away from intimacy and vulnerability as a result.
They may also have trouble with other interpersonal issues, like getting into frequent conflicts with their loved ones, avoiding asking for help even when they desperately need it, or struggling to form friendships and romantic relationships at all. Relational trauma can make it hard to develop emotional regulation skills, and the lack of these skills can create obstacles in any type of relationship.
Difficulty Navigating Adulthood
For people with complex relational trauma, navigating adulthood isn’t easy. They might have trouble finding or holding down jobs, managing college coursework or completing their degrees, staying on top of their finances, or maintaining stable housing. In addition to coping with the emotional impact of relational trauma, they may not have trustworthy, loving family members whom they can turn to for support, like many of their peers. As a result, they might feel like they’re “falling behind.”
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If you’re concerned that your mental health might be suffering due to complex relational trauma, we invite you to contact our practice to learn more about in-person and telehealth trauma therapy options.