When you and your partner were dreaming about having children of your own one day, you likely never anticipated that you would struggle to conceive. But infertility is far more common than most couples realize before they begin trying for a baby. Sometimes, it simply takes much longer than you expected to conceive. Other times, couples have to turn to fertility treatments or alternate paths to parenthood in order to have children.

No matter your specific circumstances, this is not an easy path. Infertility can affect your romantic connection with your partner. Here are a few issues that couples dealing with infertility often face.

Lack of True Intimacy

When you’re trying to conceive, you and your partner might feel like you have to schedule sex. Yes, it’s important to understand fertility tracking if you’re trying for a baby. But going through the motions as you deal with infertility can make intimacy feel like a chore.

Sometimes, it can be helpful to focus on cultivating emotional intimacy. Going out for date nights, taking vacations when you can unplug, and planning activities that provide a welcome distraction can benefit your mental health and bring back your romantic spark.

Feeling Distant

For heterosexual couples dealing with infertility, the feeling that your partner can’t understand what you’re going through can come between you. Women might feel like their experiences are completely alien to their male partners, especially if they’re going through intensive fertility treatments like IVF.

Men may want to learn how to better support their partners. But they might not always know how to say or do the right thing.

A Future You Didn’t Plan For

It’s difficult to accept the idea that the future you and your partner envisioned may never come to fruition. Suddenly, the life you planned for has been upended. Even if you’re dealing with infertility, there are many different ways to become parents. But your life together may not play out as you had originally imagined.

Coping with this reality isn’t easy, and both of you might be trying to figure out how you can find genuine happiness in the face of infertility. Sometimes, one partner might even worry that the other will leave in order to pursue the future you had once pictured with someone else.

Disagreements Over Big Decisions

Infertility forces you and your partner to make major decisions together. It can be tough to navigate these decisions, particularly since only one partner will have to go through the physical changes and risks that come with fertility treatments like IVF.

If you’re struggling to get on the same page when it comes to topics like fertility treatments, exploring fostering or adoption, or other impactful choices that require agreement from both parties to move forward, you may want to think about working with a therapist. They can help guide you through the decision-making process.

Financial Burdens

Dealing with infertility can be expensive, and it’s hard to say when it’s time to stop spending. While most couples know that fertility treatments like IVF generally come with a high price tag, pursuing parenthood through private adoption can be extremely costly as well. Furthermore, even couples who do not go down these routes can end up spending lots of money because of infertility.

They might end up spending lots of time at the doctor’s office for fertility testing or low-level treatments. Over time, the costs can add up. Financial stress can only add to your anxiety as a couple.

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Are you and your partner struggling to navigate infertility? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for couples therapy.