Co-parenting can be complicated enough. But when you and your ex are co-parenting a special needs child, the situation becomes even more challenging. Not only are you trying to coordinate schedules between two separate households and maintain a sense of normalcy and stability for your child, you also have to make sure they always have access to the support services they need. Furthermore, adapting to change can be much harder for children with special needs.

How can you establish and maintain a co-parenting arrangement that works for your whole family while putting your child’s needs first? It can take some trial and error, but it’s certainly possible. Here are a few tips to help you get started.

Maintain a Shared Calendar

First, you’ll need to set up a shared calendar between yourself and your ex. You may have done this already, which is a great start. If there are other adults in your family who are deeply involved in your child’s life and frequently take care of them, such as grandparents, you may want to add them to the shared calendar as well. This calendar is a space for all of your child’s appointments, as well as their school schedule and anything else they need to attend. You can use this calendar to delegate tasks and determine whose house your child will be at during specific events.

Keep Routines Consistent Across Households

Change can be tricky for any kid to cope with. But this is especially true for children with special needs. Ensure that your child’s environment in your house and your ex’s house meets their needs, and that they have a place where they can feel truly comfortable. Double-check that your child has any medications, medical devices, or other special equipment. If you pack a bag for them to take to your ex’s home, keeping a thorough packing list on hand can aid you in this process.

Additionally, communicate with your ex about how they approach routine in their household. Keeping routines consistent between households can go a long way towards supporting your child. You can discuss everything from meals to bedtime routines.

Coordinate Support Services

No matter where your child is staying, you and your ex need to be able to get access to their necessary support services. If one of you lives further away from a particular medical office that your child needs to visit regularly, you may want to take this into consideration when scheduling appointments. Does your child have in-house support services who come to your home?

Make sure that you’re always clear about where your child will be at their next appointment. You’ll also need to determine who gets to make decisions for your child in different scenarios.

Be Willing to Stay Flexible

Parenting always requires a certain degree of flexibility. Co-parenting a special needs child can be an unpredictable journey. Leaving a little room in your life for flexibility is key. Some days, you’ll simply need to drop everything and take over parenting responsibilities at a moment’s notice. It’s not ideal, but it’s something that both you and your ex will need to be prepared for.

Talk to a Family Therapist

Co-parenting your special needs child means tackling complex situations in a cooperative fashion, which isn’t always easy with an ex. A family therapist can help you communicate honestly and clearly while keeping your child’s needs at the forefront.

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Are you struggling to find a workable arrangement for co-parenting your child with special needs? A therapist can guide you through the process. Connect with us to find out more about our child and adolescent therapy services for parents.