Maybe you’re mourning the loss of a loved one. Although you hoped that you would be able to heal with time, you’re still suffering immensely. If you’ve been grappling with these emotions for over a year, and you’ve noticed little to no improvements in that time, you might be dealing with complicated grief.

Complicated grief is characterized by grieving intensely for over a year since the loss of your loved one. It’s important to note that everyone grieves differently. Additionally, everyone who has lost a loved one will occasionally feel emotional pain after that loss, even years or decades after their passing.

Experiencing sadness or anger over your loved one’s death after a year or so does not automatically mean that you are struggling with complicated grief, as the severity of your symptoms also plays a role. With that in mind, here are a few common signs of complicated grief.

Intense Preoccupation with the Deceased

You may be completely preoccupied with your loved one and feel like you’re unable to think about anything else, let alone focus on other relationships, hobbies, or your job. It’s hard to follow conversations sometimes because you’re so focused on your loved one. Everything reminds you of your loss. At times, it can seem like there’s no escape from this rumination.

Disbelief Over the Loss

Logically, you know that your loved one is gone. Yet it’s difficult to accept. You might feel like they’re always about to walk back into your house and tell you that there was some sort of misunderstanding. Perhaps you often catch yourself looking for “signs” that they’re trying to contact you somehow.

Severe Emotional Pain

When you lose someone you love, the emotional pain can feel so intense that you might feel like you’ve lost a limb. If you’re dealing with complicated grief, you might be dealing with such a severe emotional pain that you wonder if you’re physically ill. Headaches, stomachaches, and muscle aches and pains might be common occurrences. You may even find yourself getting sick more frequently.

Lack of Meaning in Life

With your loved one gone, you may feel a complete void of meaning in your life. You still spend time with family members and friends who care deeply for you. Yet it doesn’t seem to be enough. Even though lots of time has passed since the loss, you can’t see a future for yourself. You may not look forward to anything, even activities that you used to love. Each day, it feels like you’re just going through the motions.

Self-Destructive Habits

To find any sort of relief from the emotional pain you’re experiencing, you might turn to habits like drinking, substance abuse, or gambling. In the long run, you know it’s hurting your mental health. But it can feel like the only way to temporarily escape your grief.

Dysfunction in Several Life Areas

It’s typical for grief to lead to dysfunction in different life areas, especially in the first few months after a loss. You may struggle to respond to friends who reach out, have difficulty keeping up with household chores, or worry that you’re falling behind at work.

If you have the financial means, you might even take time away from your job to focus on healing. But if you’re struggling with complicated grief, you might be having trouble upholding any responsibilities well over a year after the loss. You may have lost your job, your support network, or even moved in with family because you couldn’t afford housing. 

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Are you struggling with complicated grief? Working with a therapist can help you heal. Reach out to us to find out more about our men’s or women’s counseling services.