Maybe your family recently went through a traumatic event together. Now, you’re trying to figure out how to support your child while dealing with the effects of your own trauma. Perhaps you’ve recently adopted or begun fostering a child who has lived through many traumatic experiences.
You want to create a safe environment for them so that they can feel truly secure and relaxed in your home. Yet you don’t know where to begin, and you’re nervous that your well-intentioned efforts might not be exactly what your child needs.
If you’re wondering how to parent a traumatized child, these suggestions are a good starting point, which you can adapt to your child’s specific needs.
Connect with a Therapist
First, it’s important to recognize that you do not have to help your child process these feelings entirely on your own. If your child has gone through a traumatic experience, connecting with a qualified therapist can be a critical step.
A therapist will be able to give you guidance on how to best support your child at home. They will provide a comfortable space where your child can express themself freely. Both you and your child can learn healthy coping skills and build resilience through therapy.
Notice and Prepare for Triggers
If your child has been traumatized, they may be triggered by reminders of the event. Exposure to a trigger can set off panic attacks or tantrums, or cause your child to shut down emotionally. They might even try to physically run away.
Learning your child’s specific triggers can help distract your child from these reminders or allow you to avoid them temporarily. Depending on your child’s symptoms, a therapist can guide them through exposure therapy and other methods for reducing the severity of triggers.
Set Up Predictable Routines
A child who has lived through trauma, or who suffers from complex trauma due to years of mistreatment, might experience high levels of anxiety because they are uncertain about what the future holds. They may be accustomed to their caregivers acting erratically. They might be scared that they’ll have to face another traumatic event that disrupts their life.
Committing to structured, predictable routines for your household can help your child gain a sense of stability in their day-to-day life.
Grant Your Child Agency
Implementing routines for your child is important for their mental health. But that doesn’t mean you have to make every choice on your child’s behalf. Instead, find opportunities to give your child a choice. By allowing your child to make small choices in their daily life, they will get more comfortable asserting their agency, making decisions, and thinking independently.
Trauma can make one feel as though they’ve been stripped of their agency, because they couldn’t control what happened to them. For a child, learning to make smart choices on their own can help them take their power back.
Stay Calm When Responding to Outbursts
Children who have survived trauma can be prone to tantrums and outbursts. They may have difficulty following rules and be more susceptible to acting out at home or in class.
As a parent, it can be hard to stay calm in these situations. But yelling at your child or showing aggression can set your child back in terms of healing. They need to be able to trust that you’ll react calmly. Responding with anger can make your child fearful and nervous.
–
Are you unsure of how to support your child after a traumatic event? A therapist can guide you along the way. Reach out via phone, email, or our contact form to learn more about our child therapy services.