It’s easy to view any conflict within a relationship as a red flag. Whether you butted heads with a friend or argued with your romantic partner, disagreeing with someone you care about is stressful. But conflicts simply represent differences in opinion. Conflicts do not have to lead to heated fights, the silent treatment, or the end of a relationship.
In reality, conflicts actually present friends, family members, and romantic partners with opportunities for growth and connection. Yet, many people never learn how to approach conflicts in a healthy way, which is why minor disagreements can so often spiral into larger arguments. Here are a few techniques to help you handle conflicts with patience and disagree without damaging relationships.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
When a problem crops up within your relationship, it’s very tempting to simply point your finger at someone else and place the blame on them. But most of the time, two people play a role in relationship troubles. Taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and sincerely apologizing if necessary, can be hard. Yet it’s also the key to resolving the issue at hand.
Address the Problem as a Team
We frequently view conflicts as a fight between two individuals, one of whom will inevitably “win” over the other. Instead of thinking of conflicts as a battle of two people, think about what would happen if you shifted your perspective to address shared problems as a team. It’s not you against anyone else. Instead, it’s both of you against the problem.
Avoid Shouting and Insults
If you’re upset, it’s hard to resist the urge to insult someone else or raise your voice. Shouting insults can feel like the only way to release your anger. Yet once you say something hurtful, you can’t take it back. Be honest about your feelings, and express yourself authentically, but mind your language. Insulting someone will inevitably push them to take a defensive stance, and it will be much harder to have an empathetic conversation about the issue.
Practice Active Listening
In the midst of a conflict, part of you might want to tune out. You may feel like your opinion should take precedence, or you’re simply not interested in what anyone else has to say. However, active listening is key to understanding the other person’s point of view. When you hear what they’re actually saying, you can start working towards a real solution.
Take Breaks
What if you’re so frustrated that you’re struggling to keep your emotions under control? You might be worried that if you can’t calm down, you’ll say something hurtful that you’ll regret. Remember, it’s perfectly fine to step away from a conversation if you’re completely overwhelmed.
When you’re so stressed that you can barely think straight, let the other person know you need to take a short break. Then, go for a quick walk, or relax in another room for a few minutes to calm down. Once you’re ready, you can come back to the conversation with a clear head.
Commit to Solutions
How can you ensure that you don’t end up getting into another conflict about the same issue within a few days or weeks? Before you end the conversation, spend some time talking about solutions. Walking away from a conflict without resolving to make concrete changes can lead you back to the same place. But committing to mutual solutions can be empowering and provide a pathway to growth and transformation.
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