Do you feel like the spark is missing between you and your partner? Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate. Maybe you have a higher sex drive than your partner, and you’re starting to feel discouraged and rejected.

Or maybe you have a lower sex drive than your partner, and you wish that there was something you could do to reassure them and make sure they feel loved.

Sex drive misalignment is a common issue, even in happy long-term relationships. It’s important to understand that there are workable solutions for committed, caring couples. As long as both you and your partner truly want to make it work, you can find a way to ensure that you’re both happy with your sex life.

These tips can help you deal with sex drive misalignment and strengthen your relationship in the process.

Talk Openly

Maybe a part of you feels embarrassed or awkward about bringing this issue up with your partner. Or maybe you’re hoping that the issue will resolve itself with time. But there’s no reason to feel ashamed when it comes to talking about your sex life and your personal drive with your partner.

In fact, communicating is the first step to solving the problem. Tell your partner that you want to talk at a time when both of you will be able to sit down and communicate privately. Make sure that you’re both in a good mood—if one is having a rough day, the conversation could become tense and unproductive.

Assess Other Areas of Your Relationship

Consider the possibility that another issue in your relationship is affecting your drive or your partner’s drive. For example, are you experiencing financial stress? Have you moved recently? Has one of you recovered from a serious illness within the past few months? Or have you been arguing and dealing with other emotional issues?

If this is the case, you may need to redirect your focus to the root cause. Your misaligned sex drives could just be a symptom of another problem.

Consider What Both of You Like

What if every other area of your relationship feels happy and healthy? Maybe there isn’t a specific “root issue” causing your misaligned drives—you probably just naturally have different libidos, and that’s okay.

To cultivate intimacy, think about what both of you do like. When have you been happiest with your sex life? What makes you both feel loved and desired?

Explore Other Forms of Intimacy

Hugging, kissing, cuddling, dancing, and even holding hands are all forms of physical intimacy. If you and your partner have misaligned sex drives, focusing on other types of physical intimacy can help you both feel connected.

Physical touch releases oxytocin in the brain, which is one of the hormones that deepen your bond with your partner!

Work With a Therapist

What if both of you feel frustrated because of your sex drive misalignment, and you’re worried that you won’t make any progress on this issue on your own? You may want to schedule a few sessions with a couples therapist for guidance.

A therapist can provide an objective, third-party perspective and help you find solutions that both of you are comfortable with. You might be worried that seeing a couples therapist means that your relationship is truly on the rocks. But on the contrary, it’s a sign that you both want to create a brighter future as a couple.

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Are you and your partner struggling with misaligned sex drives? Working with a couples therapist can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.

Click to learn more about Couples Therapy.