Perhaps you’ve just been told that you have a chronic illness. Or maybe your partner has received this shocking news. Either way, you’re trying to process this information as a couple. You might feel like your lives have just been turned upside down. It can be hard not to dwell on your sense of uncertainty about the future. You may even be worried that the two of you have very limited time left together, and the thought of losing your partner is causing you unimaginable grief.
All of these complex emotions and more are perfectly normal in the wake of a chronic illness diagnosis. Here’s how you and your partner can come together to best handle this drastic life change.
Create Space for Grief
First, it’s important for both of you to acknowledge that you’re currently grieving. The partner who received the diagnosis might be grieving the loss of certain physical abilities, or a day-to-day life without chronic pain, managing medications, or missing out on social events due to their symptoms.
The other partner might be grieving their loved one’s illness and fearing for the future of their relationship. You need to be able to talk about these emotions openly and honestly and give yourself time to process these feelings.
Practice Empathy
In this challenging moment, both partners need to deepen their empathy for each other. It’s crucial to note that the partner who received the diagnosis is likely experiencing a higher level of emotional turmoil. They will need more support from the other partner in the relationship during this time.
If you are physically and mentally healthy, be the support system that your partner needs right now, and remember to be patient with them as they deal with the impact of their diagnosis.
Adjust to Identity Shifts
You or your partner may feel like your identities and senses of self are changing during this time period. This is perfectly normal. If you’ve received the diagnosis, your understanding of what you can do, what you can expect in the coming months or years, or even who you are at your core, might be shifting. Your partner’s understanding of their own identity might transform as they prepare to take on a more supportive role.
Handle Changing Abilities
What if one partner’s diagnosis means that they can’t handle certain physical tasks anymore? In some cases, someone who develops a chronic illness might have to cut back on their hours at work or even leave their job permanently. Sometimes, they may not be able to carry out necessary domestic tasks, like cleaning, cooking, or driving to run errands.
If you and your partner are dealing with this, talk openly about how you can change the way you delegate tasks, or consider hiring help to lighten your own load.
Consider Therapy
What if both of you feel like the news of this diagnosis has sent you spiraling? You do not have to face this difficult time alone. Instead, you may want to work with a therapist to work through the issues that have cropped up. They can help you develop healthy coping skills that you can use to navigate these challenges.
Furthermore, your therapist will provide you and your partner with an objective, third-party perspective when you’re dealing with a problem that seems too tough to solve on your own. Hearing these opinions can be valuable when you’re both experiencing strong emotions.
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Have you or your partner recently received a chronic illness diagnosis? Working with a therapist can help you process these changes. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.