Maybe you’ve been with your partner for a while. But you’re still not sure if you can see your relationship lasting long-term. Or maybe you’ve just started seeing someone new. Things seem promising. Yet you want to be sure that you’re a good fit before you commit to a particular label.

Alternatively, you might not be dating anyone right now. You know that you need some time to think about what you want before you get into a new relationship.

Tuning into your needs will help you get clear on what you can and can’t accept from your future. Here’s how to gain clarity so that you can build a life with the right partner.

Consider Your Personal Values and Dealbreakers

First, reflect on what you value most, and which lifestyle choices, beliefs, and interests you want your partner to share. Your standards are deeply personal. For instance, if you want a partner who shares your faith, you do not have to compromise and settle for someone who doesn’t.

Then, think about your dealbreakers. For example, if you know that you want children, a partner who does not want children would be a dealbreaker.

Think About Your Future Plans

Next, consider where you want to be in the future. Do you see yourself buying a home, having children, and opening a local business five years from now? Or do you envision a different path for yourself, where you and your partner get to travel, work on a freelance basis, and live in several countries for short periods of time?

Make sure that whoever you choose to date is on the same page as you when it comes to future plans.

Assess How You Feel Around Your Partner

If you’re currently dating someone, pay close attention to how you feel when you’re around them. Think about how you feel when you’re spending time with relatives and friends you love, and them compare those feelings to your emotional state when you’re with your partner.

Do you feel truly loved and appreciated? Or do they make you feel stressed and irritated in a way that you don’t experience when you’re with people who genuinely care about you? When you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll still have ups and downs, but you should have far more good days than bad.

Look at Examples of Healthy Relationships

You may have heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s true that you don’t want to spend all your time comparing your relationship to others.

But sometimes, looking at healthy relationships can help you figure out how you want future partners to treat you. You can learn a lot from other people who are in happy, fulfilling relationships. This can show you how you deserve to be treated, too.

Take Time to Yourself

It might seem counterintuitive, but spending some time on your own can actually clue you in on what you want out of a relationship. Remember, a relationship should never detract from your happiness or change your lifestyle for the worse.

Think about what you love to do on your own, and what aspects of your life could potentially be enhanced with the right partner. Furthermore, learning to enjoy your own company can remind you of the importance of time spent alone, even when you’re in a relationship. You should still be able to exercise your independence and enjoy your favorite hobbies.

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Are you having trouble figuring out what you really want in a relationship? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session for couples, women, or men’s counseling.