Perhaps you feel like you’ve been doing far more around the house than your partner. Or maybe your partner has recently expressed to you that they’re frustrated with how many domestic chores they’ve been shouldering lately.

It’s easy to feel like tackling household chores is simple. Growing up, it might’ve seemed like these tasks were always done. But whether you’ve recently moved out of your family’s home, or you’ve just gotten together with a new partner, it can be tough to adjust to this new dynamic.

Here’s why you shouldn’t brush disagreements over domestic chores under the rug, and how you can come up with a more equitable arrangement.

Why the Division of Domestic Responsibilities Matters

Why is it so crucial to divvy up household chores in a way that works for both partners? If one partner has an unfair domestic burden, it can breed resentment in the relationship. This can spell out trouble for your future. Even if one partner is not currently in the workforce, they should not be handling all the household chores every day. In some situations, one partner might be able to manage more domestic tasks than the other, but both people should be pitching.

Determine What Needs to Change

Maybe you brought up this issue with your partner, or your partner mentioned it to you. Or maybe you’ve both admitted that you’re not satisfied with the division of labor in your household.

Either way, you need to sit down and have an honest conversation about the specific changes that you both want to see. Talk through the issues that have come up with your current arrangement. Discuss how you could improve the situation with regard to particular chores. You should each offer a few suggestions.

Start Delegating Responsibilities

Work out which chores need to be completed, how frequently they need to be done, and, if appropriate, how they should be done. Sometimes, partners have different standards for cleanliness.

Decide who will do each chore and when they will need to do it. What if you have older children, and you and your partner both have a lot on your plate? You may want to assign them an extra weekly chore or two to lighten your own load.

Decide Which Tasks to Outsource

Depending on your budget, you and your partner may not have to tackle all the household chores by yourself. Maybe even your best efforts to divide up chores fairly have both left you feeling run down and pressed for time because your family is simply so busy at the moment.

Instead of trying to juggle everything on your own, consider hiring a cleaning service to come in on a bi-weekly basis. You could also have your groceries delivered, or have a landscaper come by to help you with yard work. What if your budget doesn’t allow for it right now? See if you can cut back on spending in other areas for wiggle room.

Check-in on Your Progress Regularly

You’ve set up a new schedule for household chores. You’ve divided your responsibilities in a manner that makes sense for your family. Now, you’re hoping to see some positive changes in your relationship.

Once you’ve started managing your household in a new way, it’s important to consistently check in with your partner to see how they’re feeling about the new arrangement. Make sure that you’re both truly satisfied with your new schedule. If you need to make some tweaks, checking in will help you do that.

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Are you and your partner struggling to divide up household chores equally? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first couples therapy session.