If you have suffered from trauma, it’s likely that you’ve been betrayed in the past. Someone you loved and depended on may have broken your trust. Through no fault of your own, you might have struggled in difficult circumstances.

Because of past trauma, you may feel like the only person you can depend on is yourself. Trusting other people can seem dangerous, even when it comes to opening up in therapy.

Maybe you’re open to starting therapy, or you’ve just seen a therapist for the first time. How can you learn to trust them after other people have hurt you so deeply? It’s not about placing your trust in them blindly—it’s a much more nuanced process.

Here’s how you can gradually build trust within your therapeutic relationship over time.

Acknowledge That Your Mistrust Is Adaptive

You might feel pressure to become more trusting and let your guard down right away, against your better judgment. Remember, a healthy level of mistrust or skepticism towards strangers is simply a survival mechanism.

As a survivor of trauma or betrayal, it’s important that both you and your therapist can understand your hesitancy to trust as adaptive. You’re merely trying to keep yourself safe, and while your therapist can help you learn to express vulnerability with the right people, they should also respect your attitude towards trust.

Get To Know Your Therapist

You may not want to place your trust in your therapist right away. But it’s important to ask yourself a key question: are you willing to move forward by simply getting to know them first?

Just like any other relationship, you need time to warm up to your therapist. If you feel comfortable in learning more about their approach to therapy and seeing more of their personality, there is a chance you can build a trusting relationship down the road.

Be Willing To Work Together

You can also ask yourself another important question when it comes to therapy. Even if you don’t feel ready to fully trust your therapist yet, are you open to working with them?

Are you willing to commit to doing this work and assessing the relationship as you go? As long as you’re ready to put in the effort, your therapist can effectively support you throughout this process.

Share What Happened in the Past

If you’re ready, you may want to tell your therapist about the events that led you to have difficulty trusting others. This could also mean talking about your interactions with other mental health professionals.

Let your therapist know which approaches to treatment were unsuccessful for you, and which behaviors previous therapists might have engaged in that left you feeling uncomfortable.

It can be hard to talk about these issues, but if you discuss your needs openly with your therapist, they will be able to avoid engaging in behaviors that remind you of past betrayals.

Gather Data

Finally, it can help to think of therapy sessions as not only an opportunity to heal, but a chance to “gather data” about your therapist. Notice how they respond when you share sensitive information, what steps they take to ensure you feel comfortable, and how you feel when you walk into a session and after you leave.

Over time, are you able to relax fully during sessions? Do you find yourself utilizing the advice they give you outside of sessions with positive results? These are all good signs that you can begin to genuinely trust your therapist.

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Are you interested in pursuing therapy again and working towards rebuilding your trust? Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.

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