Many people think that ADHD merely affects one’s ability to concentrate at work or in school. It’s easy to see how this condition can make it tough to focus on projects at work or assignments for classes.
However, the effects of ADHD on adult relationships are not as widely understood. Individuals with ADHD can have trouble fostering strong, trustworthy relationships with their relatives, friends, and potential romantic partners.
An inability to focus and a tendency towards impulsivity can affect every area of your life. Relationships are no exception to this rule. Here are a few ways that ADHD can negatively affect your adult relationships, and how you can make improvements in these areas.
1. Struggling to Uphold Commitments
People with ADHD often forget about commitments they’ve made, deadlines they need to meet, or appointments and gatherings that they’ve agreed to attend. In the context of relationships, this might mean forgetting about a dinner date with your partner, neglecting to pick your partner up when they need a ride, skipping out on appointments with a couples counselor, financial advisor, or real estate agent, or even missing a family gathering.
Forgetting about important commitments can drive a wedge between partners. Rather than simply trying to remember everything on your schedule, or asking your partner to remind you before an event, it can be helpful to use a shared scheduling app with your partner to keep track of all of your commitments. This will also ensure that you get automatic reminders.
2. Trouble Staying Organized
Lots of people with ADHD find it challenging to organize their physical belongings. In a relationship where one partner has ADHD, the other might feel like it always falls on them to clean up the house, cars, and yard. The partner with ADHD may feel guilty about leaving the house messy, especially when they need to ask their partner for help with finding important items.
It’s a good idea to set up organizational systems in your home. Make sure that you have clear, designated storage spaces for all of your belongings. You and your partner can also block off a few minutes every morning and evening to tidy up together. This will help you both stay accountable. Scheduling time on the weekends to clean will also help you maintain an organized home!
3. Making Impulsive Decisions
Impulsive decision-making is a common ADHD symptom. Adult couples generally try to make big decisions as a team. Compromise is key! But people with ADHD might be more inclined to act on a whim. Their partner might feel left out and frustrated.
You might have trouble with reckless spending on items you don’t need, or you may have quit a job spontaneously, booked a pricey solo trip, or suddenly asked your partner about moving to a new city. However, discussing major choices like this with your partner is crucial.
4. Poor Emotional Regulation
Finally, people with ADHD can suffer from poor emotional regulation. In relationships, this can lead to fighting and arguments. It can be hard to handle disagreements without the discussion getting heated. You might not always wait for the best moment to bring up a tough topic with your partner, and they might feel like you spring arguments on them.
Sometimes, it can help to step back from an argument and take a walk to cool down or write in a journal to get your feelings out. Taking deep breaths can also give you a chance to calm down for a moment.
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Are you struggling to maintain your relationships because of ADHD? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session to learn more about ADHD Treatment or Couples Therapy.